Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Wednesday Deal:

1. Take life by the pickles

In my opinion, some consumer brands need to learn how to loosen up a bit. Let’s admit it, straight-laced and stone cold serious aren’t exactly the qualities that consumers look for in a brand during the age of social media. I know, I know. SOME brands have to be serious, because well, their products are serious. But when it comes to certain industries (like the food and beverage, travel and automobile), I think a little fun can go a long way. In fact, according to David Burn of AdPulp, McDonald’s has created an online Mad Libs-esque microsite that implores their Angus-loving consumers to engage with them. When you enter the site, you can choose one of three of McDonald’s new Angus Wraps. I chose the Deluxe, because well, I go big. Once you’ve chosen your wrap, you’re asked a few random questions. When you’re done with the Q&A, your McDonald’s axiom appears. Mine was, “Take life by the pickles, run with the perfect pack and bring out the inner baseball fan.” It’s fun, it’s easy, and it’s engaging. Although, it would have been better if the consumer could understand what axioms have to do with Angus. But otherwise, I dig it.

What do you think?

2. Get a raise with a clean vagina

You’ve got to walk a fine line when peddling feminine hygiene products. These days, some ads provide too much information, and others dance around the topic so much that you wouldn’t even know that women HAD vaginas. But at the end of the day, almost every feminine hygiene brand can agree that the key insight into WHY women buy these products is the same—they simply want to keep everything down there in normal, working order. End of story. But according to Tim Nudd at AdFreak, Summer’s Eve recently produced a print ad for their product that suggested how their consumers could learn to muster up enough confidence to ask their boss for a raise.

What?!

The headline read, “Confidence at Work: How to Ask for a Raise” and the copy stated, “If there’s one thing in life that can make us uneasy, it’s asking a boss for the money we deserve. To get your mind in the right place, visualize the day and follow a few of these simple steps.” And so on and so forth. Long story short, Summer’s Eve managed to hurl us ladies back to the days when using our womanly wiles was the only way to get what we wanted in the work place. According to Nudd, Angela Bryant, Summer’s Eve Brand Manager, made a public apology for not “making the connection” that Women’s Day readers did about their product. Even though they’re in a code red situation, at least they’re acknowledging the issue and doing their best to turn it all around.

Thoughts?

3. You will

Twenty years ago, it was difficult to imagine a talking box that could direct you from one side of the country to the other, or that you would be able to conduct a meeting with colleagues virtually. But, it happened. And the company that predicted it? AT&T. According to David Meerman Scott’s latest post on Web Ink Now, there’s an AT&T commercial montage from a couple of decades ago titled “You Will.” The spots predicted a lot of gadgets and gismos that we now think nothing of—GPS, iPad, online ticket purchase, virtual meeting software, and even in-home on demand movie rental. There were also some predictions that weren’t as on the ball. For example, the use of phone booths. How I miss the privacy of a phone booth. Sigh.

Anyway, Scott finds it ironic that it was AT&T that made these predictions when the only reason AT&T even has a heartbeat is because of its association with the iPhone. When you think about it, Apple is now seen as the predominant technology leader. But who knows, maybe AT&T has an ace up its sleeve that we don’t know about, and our commercials today will be laughable 20 years from now. Only time will tell.

Do you have any predictions for our technological future?

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Tuesday Deal:

1. You got no fear of the underdog

In this hard knock world laden with franchises and conglomerates, a lot of mom ‘n pop businesses don’t know how to stand up against the big dogs of industry. Home Depot squashed local hardware stores. Stop & Shop mowed over specialty food-marts. And now pizza juggernauts like Domino’s are trying to wipe out little independent pizzerias like bugs on the windshield of life.

What’s a pizza man to do? Well, get even of course. In fact, Anthony’s Pizza and Pasta is so done with the major pizza franchises that they took a hit out on them via their advertising. Their new billboard ads use lines like, “If their ingredients are better, why isn’t their pizza?” and “Pizzeria pizza. Not fast food pizza.” But my absolute favorite is, “Never had to change the recipe. Because it never sucked.”

Booyah, Grandma!

Are you rooting for Anthony’s? I know I am.

2. The pitfalls of star power

When you spot a big juicy celebrity, the temptation to wrangle them in and make them work their magic for your brand can be irresistible. After all, they’ve already got star power, people are constantly Googling their name, and unfortunately for our society, their opinions are what matter to the majority of the population. But, there are some pitfalls to working with famous “talent.” For one thing, you can’t impede their ability to open their mouths. Don’t believe me? According to Tim Nudd on AdFreak, Justin Long of the “Get a Mac” campaign recently admitted in an interview with Time Magazine that he didn’t “get” the point of the Mac campaign. Oh brother. Really? Do you know what the copywriters and art directors of those commercials are doing right now, Justin Long? Cringing! That’s what! At least one good thing came out of the interview. According to Long, there are several hundred spots that never aired. One I’m particularly itching to see is a guest appearance by Zach Galifianakis as a drunk Santa Claus. If he can’t sell a Mac, no one can.

3. Like our page? Hint, hint.

Some brands have the best Facebook pages. One that really blows other products and services out of the water is Red Bull. For one thing, the Red Bullians are really in touch with their target audience. According to Amy Porterfield of The Social Media Examiner, the beauty of Red Bull’s Facebook page is that they know what kind of content their audience will respond to, and they deliver it. For example, they’ve created a web TV series that follows the lives of various athletes. They even have a section called “Drunkish Dials.” It’s a place where you can listen to the random messages that people leave on their toll free number. I LOVE IT! It makes me want to knock a few back and give them my own special message. And that’s the point. These fun games, videos and content are meant to entice people to engage with the brand. My favorite part is the graphic that they use to encourage people to declare their loyalty to Red Bull. Check it out on Facebook. After all, 7,933,460 fans don’t lie.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Monday Deal:

1. The land down under

When you’re a lady, your underwear drawer matches your priorities. Your panty range is probably pretty vast when you’re a young woman—bright colors, patterns, ties, ribbons, whatever. But as some ladies get older, they tend to forego the lacy numbers for something more…shall we say “practical.” In other words, some gals have gotten stuck in a panty rut—a wedgie of sorts, if you will. But fortunately for you, and your lady parts, Kotex is hosting a panty raid. That’s right, Kotex is asking women everywhere to submit a video that goes over the highs and lows of their underwear drawers. A panel of judges will choose 10 finalists who will have to explain why they deserve a “makeunder,” and three lucky ladies will be chosen for an undergarment overhaul.

Why is Kotex going through women’s underwear drawers? Because they want their target market to know that they can wear pretty underwear no matter what time of the month. As a fellow female and a marketer, I think the idea has merit. Even though most girls wouldn’t dare wear fancy roos on her off-season week, it’s still cool that Kotex is exposing feminine conundrums rather than keeping it hush-hush. I don’t know if I’d be emotionally secure enough to show the world my delicates, but I’ll definitely tune in to check out what other ladies are packin’.

Hopefully that doesn’t make me some kind of pervert.

2. The baby carrot debacle

When it comes to eating your veggies, I get an A+. In fact, I’d say that at least ¼ of my income goes to leafy greens and crunchy legumes. I can’t help it—I just love me some produce. Which leads to my recent baby carrot conundrum. I just read on David Kiefaber’s recent post on AdFreak that Crispin Porter has taken on the challenge of making carrots cool to the youth market. In fact, the carrot industry is backing this project with 25 million dollars. So far, CP has come up with a range of ideas, including packaging baby carrots to look like junk food.

Now, wait a second. I get a lot of flack here at the office about my healthy food choices. I see the way my fellow Captains look at me when I offer them a sliced pepper or a sugar snap pea. And I hear the hushed whispers as I happily chomp on my celery sticks and various other root vegetables. But I persevere, and I do so with dignity. So why the heck should kids get to hide behind well-designed packaging? Although I applaud promoting healthy eating, I think we rabbit/human hybrids should be proud to eat baby carrots instead of masquerading them to be nature’s cheese doodles.

Is anyone else passionate about produce?

I’m going to go with “no,” but it’s worth a shot.

3. Staying mum

Are there times when advertisers should just shut up? According to Brian Thompson of Ask a Copywriter, Shell’s new campaign that focuses on “delivering better energy solutions” might cause a mass riot due to the timing with the BP oil spill and all of its various ecological, economical and political aftermath. The transit posters are copy-driven and use headlines like “Let’s build a better energy future. Let’s go” and “Decisions, decisions. Let’s make some. Let’s go.”

Although I like that Shell is making an attempt to acknowledge that SOMETHING needs to be done about our current energy usage and resources, I can see why the campaign might irk those who’ve been championing clean energy all along or who’ve been affected by an oil spill. The headline “We have the technology. Let’s go,” makes me wonder why the company hasn’t pressed the issue of clean energy BEFORE the oil spill. And “Let’s make what we’ve got go further. Let’s go,” feels contradictory to the other headlines’ clean-energy focused messages. However, I think that the attempt to inspire change is there, and if big oil wants to start talking about ways to ensure a green energy future, I’m sure they’ll be a lot of people who’d like to listen.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Friday Deal:

1. Scrub a dub dub, one man in a tub

When it comes to political advertising, it takes a lot to rally me into any sort of frenzy. Not only are most of the ads just a 30-second slew of false promises, but the “he said, she said” playground banter between opponent’s is enough to make you wish for communism. However, Denver Mayor, John Hickenlooper’s most recent TV spot not only got my attention, but it actually warmed me to his personality enough to investigate his political views and causes. How does a mayor running for governor get your attention without taking their claws out or boring you to death by being politically correct? By indulging in a shower on television, of course. Take a look at how political advertising can be positive and still work for a candidate in Hickenlooper’s new campaign commercial, “Shower.”

2. Know your audience

How do I feel when I see a giant outdoor poster with an adorable bouncing, bubbling, little baby boy on it?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It’s not that I have anything AGAINST little humans. In fact, I think they’re swell. But the thing is, I don’t have any mini-mes yet, so when it comes to ads trying to peddle the many products, accessories and paraphernalia they need, there’s about a zero percent chance I’ll listen. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way it is. Case in point, Brian Thompson of Ask a Copywriter was recently dubbed a dad, and admitted that B.B. (Before Baby), he hardly ever noticed Bon Bebe’s advertising even though he walked by their outdoor posters everyday. Now that he’s with child, however, Thompson not only recognizes the posters, but also enjoys them, too. Welcome to Dadhood, Brian.

What products are you interested in today that you weren’t last year?

3. Orange ya glad you didn’t date Matteo?

Orange, a business that delivers communications solutions, discovered a way to be funny without being over the top. Sometimes when a brand tries to go for the laugh, everyone misses the message. But with the new Orange campaign, you don’t just laugh at Nico’s perilous swim to catch his ferry in “Apology Nico” or marvel at Tania’s bull-riding technique in “Tania The Party Planner,” but you actually believe that Orange will provide you with a specifically designed solution for the challenges you personally face. My favorite is “Matteo The Online Romancer” I hear he can melt a heart in under 150 characters. Sigh.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Thursday Deal:

1. YouTube and television are related

We Captains have been climbing atop our marketing soapboxes for a while now and preaching the good word about websites.

“They’re like TV channels!” we shouted. “Companies can simultaneously entertain customers and drive home key messages about their brand all for a price that is lower than airing a 30-second TV spot!”

And thankfully for our voices, a lot of companies have started to listen. In fact, Bill Green of Make The Logo Bigger blogged that the BBC recently released a report about how big tobacco has moved most of their advertising onto the internet. This is mostly due to the fact that their ads have been banned from most traditional advertising venues. The study also showed that “impressions from videos on YouTube containing cigarette references are just as dangerous as TV and print ads.” Even though the FCC has made its best attempt to shield people from tobacco advertising, it seems big tobacco will stop at nothing to be seen and heard by the target market.

But there’s good news for young lungs. The beauty of online video channels is that people need to ACTIVLEY search for content. Unless big tobacco is providing videos on how to die faster, I’m sure that there won’t be a lot of active searches for their product. The bad news? No one will see ANYONE’S advertising messages unless they actively search for them.

What’s an advertiser to do? Create content that helps/entertains/invigorates your consumers, of course. That way, when they’re searching for something related to your product, the content for your brand won’t just come up, but will actually provide your consumer with some kind of service. This will create a strong bond between consumer and brand and also reinforce the benefits of your product.

Hopefully the nature of online video channels will inevitably make dangerous products like tobacco obsolete, and awesome, healthy products become bigger power players in their industry.

2. Stop on a dime

Everyone knows that Toyota has been through the wringer this year due to their faulty break systems. EVERYONE. Which means that their competitors also know. Car brands that could never even come close to Toyota’s success in the past are now perking their ears up like a pack of wolves that just caught the scent of a wounded rabbit.

The first brand to make an attempt at a take down? Nissan. According to David Griner of AdFreak, Nissan makes their “brake override technology” the star of their latest commercial, “Dime.” The opening shot is of a dime on the ground, and in the background, you can hear a vehicle accelerating in speed. Once the Nissan car closes in on the dime, it stops immediately. While the car is doing its demonstration, the voiceover explains how the U.S. Government is requiring brake override technology in all vehicles, and how Nissan thinks it’s a great idea as well, so they went ahead and did it. But, here’s the kicker, they did it 6 years ago.

Oh snap, Toyota! Talk about kicking ‘em when they’re down.

What do you think about Nissan’s latest spot? Pure genius or an unnecessary kick in the pants?

3. You might as well face it

You’re addicted to Facebook.

There’s a difference between eager user and outright addict. How do I know? I am one. I’ll admit, when Facebook first came on the scene, I resisted for an entire year. It wasn’t until one of my punk friends decided to take matters into his own hands and created my profile for me, that I finally surrendered and begrudgingly joined the social media world. Six years later, I basically convulse if I haven’t checked my homepage for the latest news feeds every hour on the hour. If you’re worried that you, too have become addicted to The Book, take this quiz provided by AdRants. To start you off, here are the first three questions:

1. You check your Facebook every hour of every day
Whether you’re checking the comments on your wall post or have an ongoing chat with a friend that just can’t wait, checking your Facebook this much should be illegal.

2. You can recite wall posts, newsfeeds and friends’ profiles
Not only is reciting Facebook information a sign that you’ve OD’ed, but it also shows that you have spent way too much time perusing your friends’ profiles, also known as “creeping.”

3. You upload photos before the night is over
Uploading pictures in the midst of a party or vacation you are supposedly enjoying, screams Facebook addict. We know you just want your friends to feel like they’re right there with you, but for goodness sake, give yourself a Facebook break.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Wednesday Deal:

1. Listen my children, and you shall hear

Of Brett Favre’s fickle nature on the blogosphere.

A lot of NFL fans recently had some issues with Brett Favre’s wavering decision to retire—particularly in the blogs. Some thought he should play, some thought he should retire, but almost everyone could agree that he should’ve at least set the record straight in a more timely manner. What does this have to do with marketing and advertising? Well, everything for starters.

By tapping into what’s happening in real life, advertisers can find better ways to connect with their audience. Not only does it make for a more relevant ad, but it can also make light of an otherwise turbulent situation. For instance, in their latest spot, ESPN employees explain how they had grown so tired of keeping track of Brett Favre’s retirement status that they decided to use an old stand-by system to make the process a little easier on themselves—Paul Revere’s lanterns.

Now, is it one if retired, two if unretired?

2.  Back to school isn’t for kids

When I was a kid, I never wanted summer to end. In fact, I refused to even keep a calendar because I didn’t want a daily reminder of how many more days of freedom I had left. But inevitably, the telltale signs were always there. The air starts to get a little cooler, the fall fashions were put on display, and those damn back to school ads start taunting me wherever I went. When you’re a kid, just their mere existence is enough to make you give those advertisers a piece of your mind. I remember thinking, “Who do you think you are coming in and reminding my parents that they have to send me back to school? Thanks a lot!”

Then, I grew up and got a job in marketing. It all makes sense now. All this time it never occurred to me that the stores weren’t trying to peddle their brand of papers, pencils and books to ME, they were targeting my parents. And do you know what time of year moms and dads love more than anything? Back to school! No wonder the commercials were always so happy and peppy, the advertisers understood that their target market was ELATED that their kids were going to be out of the house and back on a routine. In other words, back to school is for parents what Christmas is to kids—a time for celebration.

Which brings me to BBC School’s new back to school commercial. Now looking at it through the eyes of an adult, I think it’s quite effective. I particularly like the copy, “Every September, thousands of children begin the biggest adventures of their lives. Are we sending them in the right direction?” But then I think about the kids who are just T-minus five days away from doomsday, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they’re silently willing summer to last just a little longer. And hoping, beyond hope, that they won’t wake up one morning soon and hear the nine words that will end their lives as they now know it– “Honey, wake up! It’s the first day of school!”

What do you think of back to school time?

3. Alyssa Milano Please Follow Me On Twitter!!!

I don’t know about you, but I think @whoisthebaldguy wants Alyssa Milano to start following him on Twitter. In case you couldn’t tell, he created a dedicated webpage with a giant photo of Milano and three web videos in which he demonstrates the consequences of what will happen if Ms. Milano decides NOT to follow a random bald guy on Twitter. Don’t worry it’s nothing scary. According to the videos, he’ll get a hamburger smushed into his head, his newspaper crumpled until it’s unreadable, and his t-shirt ripped and ruined. I haven’t decided yet whether I think this idea is genius, or a little too eager (that’s my nice way of saying creepy). Either way, the guy has cojones and should be given props for putting himself, and Alyssa’s lingerie-clad body, out there.

What do you think Alyssa should do?

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Tuesday Deal:

1. Is this real advertising?

The reason real people in viral videos become famous is because they’re doing something authentic and unscripted. When David DeVore (from YouTube sensation, “David After Dentist”) was lolling his head about in the backseat of his dad’s car and asking him if this was in fact “real life,” he wasn’t PRETENDING he was doped up on drugs after visiting the dentist, he really was. It was the authenticity of the situation that made his viral video funny—and the fact that he screams like a raving lunatic for absolutely no reason.

Over 65 million hits later, it’s not surprising that advertisers want to use David’s star power for their own brands. But, does it work? In my opinion, not really. According to David Griner at AdFreak, David recently starred in a two-minute infomercial-like ad for Dr. Fresh’s Firefly toothbrush. Throughout the video, David not only demonstrates how to use the toothbrush, but he also reinforces the many reasons why we all need to brush our teeth twice daily.

All I can say is, what a let down. The David we know and love doesn’t even know what realm of the universe he lives in, never mind the how-to’s of oral hygiene. In fact, he doesn’t even know how many fingers he has—his best guess is somewhere between two and four. But, it’s not David’s fault his new ad is a flop, it’s Dr. Fresh’s.

We advertisers are ripping our hair out trying to get people’s attention, so when we finally see something that captivates people, our first instinct is to jump on the opportunity and use it for all it’s worth. But, as we can see, capitalizing on a real person who happened to be in a successful viral video isn’t necessarily the key to great advertising.

What do you think of Dr. Fresh’s new ad?

2. The new jingle doesn’t jingle

When I was kid, some would’ve called me a TV “addict.” Personally, I only think it’s a problem if you’re completely dependent on your drug of choice. (Pause.) OK, so I was an addict. What can I say? I was captivated by television. Any chance I got, I would plop down in front of the screen and immerse myself in the imaginary world of whatever I was watching. In fact, I loved TV so much that I’d even watch the commercials. Thankfully for me, I became an advertiser instead of a couch potato. However, from my avid TV-watching days, I’ve developed a residual symptom that I just can’t seem to shake—jingle recall.

After years of having my undivided attention, brands finally took a hold of my brain and implanted hundreds of jingles that I’ll never, no matter how hard I try, forget. “What would you do for a Klondike bar?” “The one and only Cheerios!” “Campbell’s tastes mmm mmm, good.” It’s maddening.

But thankfully for the TV cyborgs of today, brands are starting to use catchy jingles less and less. Why? Well, because they’ve decided to have actual music artists write songs about their products instead. According to David Burn at AdPulp, the Cotton brand is currently using Colbie Caillat and Leona Lewis to endorse their product. In their most recent commercials, both of the high profile music artists sing their hearts out about the fabric of their lives—cotton.

Not only do these catchy tunes get people flocking to the brand’s website to find out more about what these ladies are wearing, but you get to listen to an actual song rather than a jingle that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

I’m digging this idea. What do you guys think?

3. Hey Snugarena!

I don’t totally get Snuggie advertising, but I respect it. Mostly because the company has sold millions of these strange Jedi-like blankets since its arrival to the marketplace a few years ago. However, their latest ad truly befuddles me. It stars Snuggie-clad boys and girls, both young and old, gyrating their hips to a “hot, new dance craze,” called, you guessed it, The Macarena.

Wait a second. Not only do we have to endure creepy smiles and prolonged waves at the camera, but we also have to watch Snuggie-wearers get down to The Macarena? It just doesn’t seem fair.

Take a look at the new commercial and please someone explain to me what all the fuss is about.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Monday Deal:

1. Fasten your seat belts, stow your tray tables and make sure Grandma isn’t streaking

While you’re waiting for a piece of physics-defying machinery to roll its 870,000 pound body down a runway and launch you 35,000 feet into the air, it’s easy to ignore what the nice flight attendants tell you to do “in case” that piece of machinery decides to all of a sudden plummet out of the sky and hurtle to the ground. In fact, the first thing I do when I step on an airplane is say a little prayer, pop some Bubblicious in my mouth and plug into my iPod until I hear the wheels hit the tarmac again. Just listening to the shpeel about oxygen masks and inflatable life preservers conveniently located under my seat is enough to give me the willies. And I’m not alone. There aren’t a whole lot of air passengers who want to listen to all the reasons why they shouldn’t have fought their instinct to stay grounded. However, Air New Zealand found a way to not only make sure people listened to their new pre-flight safety briefing video, but that they relaxed and laughed a bit as well. The video stars All Black, New Zealand’s star rugby team, and a plane full of All Black fans. Not only does the video get across all the necessary safety information, but it also has a streaking grandma collecting high fives down the aisle before takeoff. I call that a great piece of content.

Would you pay attention to this video before takeoff?

2. Whip ‘em out! It’s what your knockers are for.

After watching this new web video for Natural Breastfeeding Month, I don’t think guys will ever be able to truly appreciate a decent set of fun bags the same way again. Why? Well, for this PSA, celebrities like Kelly Rutherford, Lisa Loeb and Ali Landry talk about the practical uses for knockers, rather than the fun ones.

The purpose of the video is to encourage expectant moms to consider breastfeeding their children, not just for the bonding experience, but for economic and medical reasons as well. Landry explains that if more mothers breastfed their children, the U.S. would save 13 billion dollars per year on healthcare costs. If money doesn’t sway you, according to the mothers in the video, breast milk is packed with disease-fighting substances that basically immunize your little buddle of joy from scary diseases like obesity and cancer. And if you’re STILL not sold, breast-feeding makes you SKINNY. I’m talking 500 calories a day, ladies. So, if you’re currently with child and you’re debating whether you should use formula or the real deal, check out this web video or go to TheBump.com for more information.

After all, it’s what your melons are for.

3. My pain is your gain

When I was a teenager, my usual punishment for missing curfew or throwing expletives like grenades was the typical two-week grounding. The thing about this punishment that tended to backfire on my poor parents, however, was that I usually punished everyone else right along with me. Foot stomping, door slamming and the silent treatment were my weapons of choice, and boy, did they do the trick. My surly attitude reverberated through whatever room I touched, and inevitably, I ended up making everyone suffer with me. If I had to endure a punishment, so did everyone else. But recently, the father of a disobedient teenager in Texas decided to kick his disciplinary skills up a notch. Rather than condemning his curfew-breaking teenage daughter to solitary confinement, he forced her to create an ad about herself in their local newspaper. The ad read, “My name is Kirstin and I’m a 16-year-old CSHS junior. I’m in BIG trouble for missing my curfew and my parents are making me provide 30 hours of FREE babysitting as punishment. My pain is your gain.” I don’t know if she’ll get many takers, as most parents want a combination of Mother Teresa and Mr. Rogers to baby-sit their child, but she might just get a job in the ad game one day. Keep your eyes peeled.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Friday Deal:

1. What the *&%$ was that?

I’ve got a question for you. If you had to somehow get young guys to go see the latest scary movie, “The Last Exorcism” coming out next Friday, how would you do it? Give them free passes? Bribe them with popcorn? Maybe even make a kick ass movie trailer?

I’m betting that anything you can come up with isn’t as good as what Lionsgate actually DID. According to Tim Nudd at AdFreak, Lionsgate really wanted to scare the pants of their new movie’s target audience. So, after some thinking, they decided (like any good marketer would) to promote their movie where their target spends most of their time—a website called Chatroulette. In case you don’t know, Chatroulette is a website that pairs random strangers from around the world together for webcam-based conversations. Basically, guys go on it to meet hot chicks. Enough said.

On Chatroulette, Lionsgate created a previously recorded webcam video that shows a very pretty girl who’s smiling and then suggestively starts unbuttoning her top. Once she gets the first button undone, she pauses, runs her fingers through her hair and then looks up at the camera. That’s when it happens. Her eyes roll into the back of her head and she goes all Rosemary’s Baby on you. The best part? Lionsgate managed to film the reactions of the guys that checked out their webcam video. Let’s just say, these guys won’t be signing up for online dating anytime soon.

2. One bad viral video can spoil the whole bunch

The beauty of a viral video is its unpredictable nature. When a video is first uploaded onto YouTube, no one knows how many people will want to view it. Like any parent, we can only hope and pray that it has what it needs to be successful, hope that it does well, and send it on its way. However, there are times when a video that is neither funny nor interesting somehow climbs to the top of the views ladder without any concept or idea at all. Not only can this frustrate the creators of a perfectly good, hard working and diligent web video that has all the potential to go viral, but it also gives the rest of the web videos a bad name. For example, if you really want to waste twelve seconds of your life, I highly suggest taking a look at this viral video about chips getting stuck in a vending machine.

Better yet, don’t. We shouldn’t encourage this kind of behavior.

3. Something Freaky for Friday

I have a lot of odd fears and pet peeves. For your sake, I won’t go into the whole list. However, I will give you just one glimpse into my very strange world. One thing that disturbs me, from my head to my toes, are children who look like they are middle aged.

Bear with me for a second here.

Does anyone have any idea what I’m talking about? There are actual kids out there that look like miniature versions of their future older selves. It’s freaky! Why am I sharing this with you? Well, because I just viewed the latest commercial for Haribo’s Gold-Bears gummy candy, and I was literally BOMBARDED with these little grownups. Chills, I’m talking an actual inner shudder, ran down my spine. If you dare, watch their latest campaign on YouTube. Soon, you too will know what true fear feels like.

Until Monday,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Thursday Deal:

1. That’s a good question. What IS up with that?

Now, listen. There’s no one in the ad game more pumped about web videos than I. Not only are they a great source of entertainment, but they’re also more easily digestible than a block of text, they can drive more unique visitors to your website, and most importantly, they’re a great way to tell your story to the world. That being said, I’d like to now admit one of my biggest web video pet peeves: creating videos for the sake of creating videos. Why does this get my panties in a bunch? Because you might have made one kick ass web video that tons of people view and like, but if your concept doesn’t involve your brand, no one is going to associate your moving/thrilling/hilarious/entertaining video with your product. Which is a waste of money, time and a whole lot of eyeballs.

A recent victim of the “Hurry up! Let’s make a video!” syndrome? Vitaminwater. According to Rebecca Cullers of AdFreak, Vitaminwater recently created a two-minute web video starring Gary Busey. Busey plays a fast-talking, tough-as-nails Fantasy Football lawyer named Norman Tugwater. Apparently, Tugwater’s mission in life is to get his professional athlete clients (like Adrian Peterson) the money they are supposedly “owed” from the thousands of people who play in fantasy leagues. Not only will Tugwater sue your pants off, but he’ll break into your house and steal your stuffed moose head…in cold blood.

The video is hilarious! My favorite part is when Peterson shushes an unsuspecting Fantasy player into submission—great stuff. The only problem is, I didn’t equate Vitaminwater with this concept at all. It’s only in the last fifteen seconds that Vitaminwater makes a product appearance or is even mentioned at all. Although the video already has 100,537 views (since its posting on August 4th), do you think any of those viewers now feel something for Vitaminwater? I know I didn’t.

2. Step away from the sneakers…

I’m a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal. Even though I own loads of heels, tons of dresses and accessories galore, my first fashion instinct is to wear ripped jeans, a V neck t-shirt and my Puma Speedcats that I’ve had since college. It’s not like I’m a cyborg or something. I can appreciate the finer threads in life. It’s just that I hate being uncomfortable. But alas, like any girl, I’ve been told since my inception that sometimes, we ladies must suffer to be beautiful. So when the occasion calls for it, I strap on my stilt-like heels, stuff myself into a dress, and hang my neck with the appropriate trinkets. But according to Tug McTighe from American Copywriter, there are ladies out there who actually LIKE to dress up. In fact, they do it on a daily basis! Which makes them the perfect target market for Piperlime, an online shop for women’s clothing, shoes and accessories.

McTighe writes in his latest post that Piperlime recently released an ad campaign that encourages women to step away from their sneakers and hang up their hoodies. So far, the ladies have been listening. According to Piperlime, its “likes” on Facebook have increased 934% between the weeks of Aug. 2 and Aug. 9, while there was a 479% increase to the number of comments on the page. McTighe also mentions that the campaign has caused quite the stir among girls such as myself—the t-shirt-wearing, sneaker-loving heathens. Are the ads going to change my ways? No, probably not. But when I do need a decent pair of heels, I know where I’m going to go look for them.

3. She’s a booth babe. And she’s proud.

There are a lot of tactics that we marketers use to gain an audience’s attention. Word of mouth, PR programs, online campaigns, mailings, and of course, nice ladies in bikinis.

At the Affiliate Summit East, Steve Hall at AdRants ran into some bikini-clad booth babes that were promoting the Bikini Babes Network and decided to interview them on how it feels to actually BE a living, breathing teaser campaign. When asked how it feels to be so exposed, the girls explain that this is their job—they are simply bringing attention to a website. As they smile and giggle their way through the rest of Hall’s questioning, I was questioning myself how useful these girls actually are for campaigns.

I totally get that skin is in, I’m not trying to pretend I’m the Mother Teresa of marketing or something. But wouldn’t it have been awesome if the girls started spewing marketing know-how and cool stuff about the network they we’re promoting instead of just slipping on a bathing suit?  Aside from the fact that they’re promoting the BIKINI Babe Network, why else were they wearing swimsuits in the middle of what was obviously a freezing cold business summit? In my opinion, this attempt at buzz would have been a lot more effective if the concept included more than just hot babes. Like I said, teaser campaigns and web videos are great, but if there’s no thinking behind the concept, the novelty doesn’t work for the brand.

What do you think about using booth babes? You know, besides that they’re hot.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

PS: Special thanks to Brian Wendel for participating and WINNING the Captains’ Facebook bribery challenge from Tuesday’s Deal. If you want to be cool like Brian, you’ll head over to the Captains’ Facebook page tout suite and become a fan, too.

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Wednesday Deal:

1. There’s nothing we can do

This is a phrase that anyone in customer service dreams of saying, but would never dare utter. (Actually, most of us, with enough time and the right kind of customer, can dream of something far more colorful to say, but that’s a different blog post.) Why? Because the customer is ALWAYS right.

In my waitressing days, I had to do things that were beyond comprehension for guests. I held umbrellas over their heads on their way to their cars during a torrential thunderstorm. I drove to the nearest liquor store to get someone’s favorite wine because the bar didn’t have it. I even baby-sat their children while they drank their dinner even though I had 4 other tables to serve and cocktailing duty. Did I WANT to do all these things? Absolutely not. Did I do them anyway? Yes, unfortunately, I did.

Being in the customer service biz can be tough. But at the end of the day, no matter how crazy, strange or idiotic you think a customer is, you still have to put on a smile and do everything in your power to make them comfortable and happy. Which brings me to a little tale I’d like to call, “The Leaky Ceiling.”

According to Edward Boches of Creativity Unbound, his stay at a Marriott Hotel last night (yes, literally LAST night) was more than bad. Not only did Boches have to deal with an endlessly leaky ceiling, but an unaccommodating staff as well. During the middle of the night, Boches just couldn’t take the dripping any longer, and decided to call the concierge. After listening to Boches’ complaint, the Marriott employee that answered simply said, “We’re sorry, the hotel is totally booked. There’s nothing we can do.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. If I have to stand outside in a thunderstorm with a metal umbrella and a white polo, you have to find this guy another place to sleep.

Not only was Boches peeved, but he wrote about his experience on his blog. Right now, 14 people have commented and 19 people have tweeted this story, and I’d also like to note that not one of them is a Marriott representative. In today’s world, EVERY company has to be the best waitress ever. What do I mean by that? Well, you need to monitor what people are saying about you so you can fix it before 14 bad comments become 14,000. It just goes to show how important it is to make each and every one of your customers happy. Or at least TRY to.

What have you done in the name of customer service?

2. The sad beauty of the plastic bag

Other than the opening of “American Beauty,” what’s the first thing you think of when you see a plastic bag rolling around like a tumbleweed across a parking lot? For me, it’s the word, “pathetic.” I just can’t understand why people would think that there won’t be any negative ramifications to the disgusting amount of plastic we use everyday. And I’m not the only one. In his latest post on Make the Logo Bigger, Bill Green commented on DDB’s new “mockumentary” called, “The Majestic Plastic Bag” for Heal the Bay, a nonprofit environmental organization located in California. The four-minute video is done Nat-Geo style and traces the plastic bag from its first leap out of someone’s trunk to its perilous journey to The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. The video itself is funny, but in a desperately sad sort of way. And watching the park-goers and various pedestrians ignore its majestic flight above their heads is even more depressing than its swim to its final destination.

In the words of the great Bill Green, “Let’s open that shit up and make it a national issue.”

What do you think of this web video?

3. Hit the Slide: To quit one’s job in truly stunning fashion

You know you’ve made it when you inspire a word or phrase that’s put into the Urban Dictionary.

Last Friday, I told you all about how Steve Slater, former JetBlue flight attendant, quit his job by grabbing a beer and escaping a (grounded) plane via inflatable slide. Well, this week he’s more than an American hero, he’s an advertising star just waiting to be born.

Briskman Stanfield of Beyond Madison Avenue comments in his latest post that the social media rooms are “abuzz” about Slater and predicts that it won’t be long until creative directors everywhere begin contacting him to star in their campaigns. I’m thinking the product range might be anything between beer and Slip n’ Slides.

Why are agencies eyeing Slater like a juicy steak fresh off the grill? Because capitalizing on what’s popular in the social media world is so damn tempting. After all, it’s impossible to predict what people are going to love or hate these days. And with the overwhelming support and props Slater’s gotten for his stunt, using him in a campaign might just be a slam-dunk.

The question is, who’ll bite first?

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey

Hey Captains readers,

Here’s your Tuesday Deal:

1. Facing Facebook

A lot of companies have finally bitten the social media bullet and created a Facebook page. However, once they’ve signed up, written their profile and nabbed a few friends, they’re wondering why fans aren’t “liking” their page by the thousands. Truth be told, we Captains have been wondering the same thing.

After making our debut appearance on Facebook back in 2009, the Captains officially have…drum roll please…109 fans—most of which are either related to us, or are wonderfully supportive friends.

Waa waa.

It’s not that we don’t appreciate the love we have, we do. It’s just that we thought the point of getting on Facebook was to expose your company and content to people who would have never otherwise known about it. Why am I telling you this? Because if we’re having this problem, maybe your company is, too.

But, there’s hope. No need to cancel your account or create a Mark Zuckerberg voodoo doll. I recently came across an article by Ruth M. Shipley on the Social Media Examiner called, “16 Ways to Master Facebook Marketing.” Since I’m a sucker for a title with a number in it, and interested in learning how we Captains can save our ship, I read it. It turns out, Shipley knows a thing or two about a thing or two.

Rather than creating a Facebook page and then just hoping it manifests fans for you, you actually have to create a Facebook strategy. DER. Isn’t that what marketing is all about? Once you’ve calculated your own goals for Facebook, you can begin utilizing a few tactics to get people poking around your page more frequently. Here are a few of Shipley’s favorites: 1) Reward every person who posts on your site with a personal response. 2) Avidly delete all spam. 3) Create questions that engage people. 4) Link to other people’s stuff.

According to Michael Stelzner, creator of the Social Media Examiner, it not only works, but also it scored him a few thousand fans in just a few days.

I don’t know about you, but with results like that, I fully plan on making Shipley my new Jedi Master.

To learn more about Shipley’s social media tips, check out her article on the Social Media Examiner. Or to learn about what’s going on with the Captains, check out our Facebook page @Captains of Industry. We promise we’ll give a warm and personal response to any and all posts in a prompt and timely manner. And we’ll even add a technique of our own that’s guaranteed to work: bribery. That’s right. The first person who friends Captains on Facebook with the phrase “Thanks for the bribe. Let’s be friends” will win a FREE Captains of Industry mug.

See how much we’re learning already?

2. Learn how to stop falling down the stairs

Or how not to break your nose by getting dressed in the dark.

It’s funny how perfectly capable women who seem so steady on their feet manage to accumulate black eyes, bruises and broken limbs. Sadly, most of these ladies will continue their “klutzy” streak until they get rid of their abusive, good for nothing boyfriends/husbands.

In a recent PSA created in Germany for domestic violence, Y&R exposes the excuses women give when questioned about their injuries from abusive relationships. If the repeated falls down the stairs in this spot don’t break your heart, the call to action will. Not only does the ad inspire battered women to save themselves, but it begs friends and family to consider the possibility that someone they know might be in a relationship that’s killing them.

What do you think about the ad? Too much or just enough?

3. The living dead. Now that’s a contradiction.

Starbursts has been trying their damnedest to make their concept for their solidly juicy candy work. But even with a Scottish/Korean bagpipe-playing father and son duo, they have yet to make anyone truly swoon over their ads. However, their latest TV spot utilizes a contradiction that everyone can find amusing, a zombie. In the commercial, the zombie interrupts the Scoteans while they discuss how juicy Starbursts are to tell them that they are boring him to death. And he’s already dead. So they are boring him BACK to death.

Not only did I enjoy the zombie’s snarky Boston train-goer-like attitude, but I liked that Starburst actually mastered a true contradiction rather than just a strange combination for their new concept.

Can you think of any other possible contradictions for Starburst?

Until tomorrow,

Captain Lindsey