By Ted Dillon, Captains of Industry
A Cigarette Pidgeon Reports for Duty at Inman Square, Cambridge
What’s more annoying than pigeons scorning the streets and littering park benches looking for food? I know what: smokers who ditch their cigarette butts on city sidewalks and in street-side gutters. But worry no more: The Cigarette Pigeon is here, and genetically designed to feed off of only cigarette butts! A Cig Pig for short, these bio-vacuums have an industrial grade stomach that breaks down cigarette filters and paper into its most basic chemical elements. When the pigeon is through sucking all the energy possible out of those filters the waste is excreted as a common fertilizer. Local governments are sure to flock to Cig Pigs to save on their city waste budgets. After the initial investment Cig Pigs take care of themselves.
The Cigarette Pigeon is a pest solver as well. But how do we differentiate Cigarette Pigeons from your normal pesky pigeon? We’ve taken care of that for you by engineering the feather coloring of cigarette pigeons to resemble a cigarette butt.
And if you’re worried about too many Cig Pigs flying around airports and hitting planes, fear not, we’re in the final stages of testing for Cigarette Squirrel too.
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