Please, facebook, just let me live my life

By Jean Levasseur, Captains of Industry

Like many 25 year olds, I’m a regular user of facebook. I have farmed (using multiple applications), I have warred against rival mobs, I have Word Scrambled, and I have tracked Trips. But lately I’ve been looking back on the fond memories of a simpler time when facebook didn’t know anything about me, and I just used it to plan and track social events with my college friends, and my mother couldn’t see any compromising pictures of me. Ah for the good old days.

Alas, those days are but a distant memory. Today, as I was perusing facebook (on my lunchbreak, Ted, don’t worry), I received a few gems of ads. The first asked me if I wanted to donate sperm (awkward – no, thanks). Then I was asked if I was an expectant father (again, no). Finally, I was asked if I was interested in diamonds. Why do you ask, facebook? Because I’m over 25 and I’ve been in a relationship for over a year? The amount of almost-right information that facebook has on me is annoying.

My beef isn’t with facebook trying to serve up ads specific to me – I’m a marketer and all for specificity. My objection is that facebook doesn’t really know me. I’ve never mentioned marriage in my profile, and I’ve certainly never said anything that might hint that I’m a soon-to-be Daddy. And being older than 25 and in a steady relationship is not enough information to make that assumption. Sorry, Mark Zuckerberg.

So facebook, calm down and stop pressuring me. I’ll propose when I’m damn good and ready. Same thing with having a kid. And when I do (you’ll be among the first to know, I promise), I’ll be willing to look at your ads.

Til then, stop annoying me.