No wonder some countries hate America

By Ted Page, Captains of Industry


A recent experiment using Google’s free translation service, Google Translate, speaks volumes about why America as a country is often misinterpreted, our people maligned, and our global standing degraded beyond repair. I input the original text of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg address into Google, then translated it into Italian, then the Italian into Finish, then Russian, Chinese, Slovenian, Afrikans, then back English.

Here, unedited, is the opening to the Gettysburg address as it would appear to other countries:

“80 years ago, our predecessors on the mainland in November nation, conceived, and freedom, that all men are created equal made assumptions.

Now, when we start testing whether people basic civil wars, the nation can long endure pregnant. We met on the battlefield during the war. We are part of that area to pay for those who died here, where people can live the rest. And “right, we should do.”

Picture the irate Afrikaner reading this text. America, apparently, treats its wars as giant mating rituals, kind of like Match.com with weapons. Once the women are impregnated and large with child, we send them out onto the battlefield to wobble towards the enemy lines. What civilized country would treat its women this way? Clearly Americans are barbarians of the worst kind. Not that these tactics would prove ineffective. The thought of thousands of 9-months pregnant soldiers charging – albeit unsteadily and with frequent bathroom breaks – across open ground, bayonets at the ready – would make me run for the hills.

The translated address goes on to say, “It was the last full measure of dedication, we are here to save the dead not be wasted.” This might cause some head scratching for the poor Slovenian or Afrikaner, until they also read “We live here, but ongoing work is still struggling noble advanced a farm here.” Apparently Americans create farms on the battlefields and use the dead as fertilizer.

Who would NOT hate an America that did this sort of thing?

Google translate is basically a very modern version of the old game of telephone we all played as children. Say something in your friend’s ear and it comes back as something totally different. But we are no longer on the playground. We have jets, drones and tanks. Worse, we think we’re so sophisticated and smart that we can translate anything at the push of a button. We can’t, at least not terribly well. We’ve just gotten really good at being good enough, and doing good enough really, really fast. As we seek to constantly reinvent the world with our technology, the better angels of our nature will appreciate a little humility.

But what do I know? I flunked Spanish twice.