By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry
Hey Captains’ Readers,
Here’s your Wednesday Deal:
1. Time to Learn Some Netiquette
More and more companies are realizing that they need a social media presence. It’s not that they don’t WANT to blog, tweet or link, they do. The problem is, they don’t know what to say or how to say it. Thankfully for the social media illiterate, Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz of the blog Stuff Hipsters Hate, are skilled at schooling newbies on how to tweet without seeming like a total twit. With more and more people joining the tweetosphere, veteran tweeters are finding it easy to spot the rookies. A dead giveaway? Too much information. Or not enough. But the good news is that there’s a way to find a happy medium. Observe the masters at work:
Example of a TMI tweet: “I just ate a bagel, some chips and a Dr. Pepper. My tummy hurts.”
Why people hate you: First, you said “tummy.” Second, NO ONE CARES. Third, you’re whining, and that’s annoying.
Twit fix: “Just had a great wrap at Grey Dog Cafe in Manhattan. Get the marinated tofu — healthy and delish.”
The Reasoning: If you insist on telling everyone what you had for lunch, at least have a good lunch. Moaning about pretty much any banal First-World problem on Twitter rates high on the annoying scale. Instead, offer your readers some kind of value.
To learn more about appropriate tweeting and the like, check out Stuff Hipsters Hate. Or Netiquette on CNN.com.
2. Sorry Mr. President. You were saying?
Talk about hitting the keynote speaker jackpot. Michigan High School managed to get President Barack Obama to deliver the commencement speech at their gradation ceremony this past Monday. And despite the president’s many pearls of wisdom about responsibility, success and achieving true excellence with the power of perseverance, the only thing that the class of 2010 will remember from their convocation is the extremely overtired choirboy who fell asleep in the middle of Obama’s speech. First it started with a case of droopy eyes, then a few obvious yawns, and finally, his chin hit his chest and the graduating high school student kissed his future political career goodbye. To the boy’s credit, he did manage to jolt himself awake a few times and get his hands together for a clap or two when his classmates erupted into cheers and applause. At least he’s learned a valuable lesson. Sign up for afternoon classes in college.
3. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small, small world. One more time!
You know when you get a random song stuck in your head? Well, after my trip to Disney World a few months ago, I got the ultimate annoying tune lodged up there, “It’s a Small World.” I kid you not. Weeks after I landed back in Boston I was still humming the Sherman brother’s ditty to myself. In fact, I sang it in the shower, on the T, at the gym. I even committed the ultimate song sin and I got it stuck in other people’s heads (sorry Jeff). But thankfully, there’s a way to stop this obnoxiously happy madness. In fact, Brian Moylan of Gawker has complied a 5-Step program to stop any endless loop of lyrics. Check it out:
1) Don’t Listen to the Song. Listening to it will only dig it deeper and deeper into the folds of your gray matter.
2) Do Not Hum, Sing, or Whistle It. A song in your head is like an itch, the more attention you give it and the more you scratch it, the more it’s going to come back.
3) Opt for a Worse Song. Moylan recommends The Clash’s “Rock the Casbah.”
4) Occupy Yourself. Read, clean, do the crossword, call a friend, have sex, do just about anything that requires complex thought.
5) Listen to Music. If worse comes to worse and nothing works, hit shuffle on your iPod and hope that the different artists, genres, and styles will confuse your tiny little mind and reset it to a neutral state.
Until tomorrow,
Captain Lindsey
Sharia don’t like it. Rock the Casbah. Rock the Casbah. Damn it!
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