Lindsey’s Daily Deal: Anti-White Papers, Spring Cleaning Friends and Choking in Lingerie

By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Friday Deal:

1. Hey white papers, you’re boring. And no one likes you.

David Meerman Scott often says, “Ebooks are the hip and stylish younger sister of the nerdy white paper.” Yet, white paper fans around the globe refuse to believe that they might be wrong. They’ve fallen in love, and they don’t know how to let go. But now’s the time to listen up before it’s too late. The truth is, readers don’t WANT to read white papers. They want to read something interesting and eye-catching that they can pass on to their friends without asking them to give up their social security number and first born child just to get it. Still not an eBook believer? Check out why David Meerman Scott thinks white papers need to take a flying leap into the recycle bin:

1. White papers are usually boring. In fact they are so boring that most people don’t want to read white papers. Instead they feel they HAVE to read them. Which is so much worse.

2. The portrait orientation of a typical white paper does not work on a computer screen. It either frustrates readers or forces them to print out the document. Which more often than not, they won’t.

3. Because of the registration requirement, very few people blog or tweet about white papers. Therefore they almost never go viral.

To find out more about why eBooks are in and white papers are out, check out Scott’s post, or take a gander at the Captains’ latest eBook on How To Create Video Customer Testimonials. If that book doesn’t get you off white papers, I’m not sure what will.

2. Spring cleaning your Facebook Friends

Now that I’ve been out of college for a few years, I’ve noticed that my relationship with Facebook has changed. I no longer keep tabs on old boyfriends, obsessively check the pages of girls who don’t like me, or even talk to half the people on my friend list. In fact, nowadays the only people I converse with are my, uh, actual friends. What a revelation! But what do you do with all those extra “friends” hanging out on your list that you have no intention of ever talking to again? Do you bite the bullet and de-friend? Or do you just let them hang out in Facebook limbo for the rest of eternity? The solution is as easy as whipping out your Windex and pulling out your Pledge. All you need to do is spring clean your friend list.

The process isn’t as terrible as you might imagine. Think about it, if you delete a Facebook friend you never talk to, were they ever really your friend to begin with? And by creating some space, you’ll not only save yourself from reading and dissecting vague, catty comments written by girls you have spoken to in years, but you’ll be making room for new friends, and those who have already proven themselves worthy.

3. Hey girl, you chokin’?

If someone were choking, would you know what to do? This is one of the many scenarios I fear experiencing in my lifetime. I have a general idea of what to do, but I’m absolutely petrified I might perform the delicate dance that is the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. So thank goodness that Fortnight Lingerie found it in their hearts (or loins) to create a web video showing us each “sexy” step. All you have to do is stand behind the victim, thrust upwards 6-10 times, and repeat until the object is expelled. Who knew choking could be so sensual?

(*Props to Captain Sophie, our summer intern, for finding this gem.)

Until Monday,

Captain Lindsey