Captains of Industry

By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Thursday Deal:

1. Press releases, you’re dead to me

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone.

I absolutely hate writing press releases.

That’s right. I said it. In fact, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best), writing press releases ranks at about a -5 for me. Why do I hold hate in my heart for a mere piece of paper supposedly chockfull of newsworthy information? Because they’re so utterly boring, predictable and formulaic. Each one sounds the same, and there’s no room for any creative freedom whatsoever. Who the heck wants to read something like that?
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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Wednesday Deal:

1. They order seltzer, but get salsa

Even if you’ve never battled a soup Nazi, determined if someone is sponge worthy, or dealt with a broccoli-hating arch nemesis like Newman, almost everyone has at least felt as though they’ve lived through their own real-life Seinfeld episode. In fact, Carlos Hidalgo of MarketingProfs thought he was in Season 4’s “The Script” just the other day. In the episode, Jerry and George discuss how difficult it must be for a Spanish speaking person to order seltzer because their accent would make the word sound like “salsa.” So any time they ask for seltzer, they’d get salsa. Very infuriating. However, Hidalgo explains that the same problem happens everyday with marketers and sales people. Why? Because when marketers say “sales lead,” the sales people hear something completely different and vice versa. In fact, both groups struggle so much with their communication with one another that they not only waste their own valuable time, but precious sales leads as well. Unfortunately for us real-life people, we can’t solve this problem in 30 minutes like Jerry and the gang, but Hidalgo suggests a great place to start is by clearly defining the stages of a buyer’s journey so that marketing and sales professionals alike can ensure that they don’t waste their marketing budget by ignoring potential leads. All it’ll take is a sit down or two to hash out what words like: Response, Valid Response, Marketing Qualified Lead, Sales Accepted Lead, Sales Qualified Lead, Closed Deal and Customer, mean to your company. This way, when you order seltzer, you get seltzer. Or no soup for you!

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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

I hope you’re all recovering nicely from the long weekend. That includes everything from stinging sunburns to horrible hangovers. We don’t judge here at Captains.

Here’s your Tuesday Deal:

1. Shut up, I’m talking

What are you a fan of on Facebook? And be honest, are you ACTUALLY a fan? In the social media world, a true Facebook fan visits their fan pages maybe once or twice a week, actively searches out new content, and engages other fellow fans by writing on the page’s wall or contributing a link for others to share.

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

Here’s your Friday Deal:

1. Your inner Sasquatch

Sometimes marketers and advertisers can get so caught up in pleasing their client or staying on strategy, that their creative executions can be a little, uh, safe—to put it safely. And even if your client loves your campaign more than their first-born child, nobody wins if consumers hate it, or even worse, don’t notice it at all.  As professionals in the ad biz, we shouldn’t forget that every brand has the potential to be funny, moving, or breathtaking—and that we should always push to take it there. A great example is the lovechild that came out of the happy marriage between the Carmichael Lynch agency and Jack Link’s Beef Jerky. Their new television campaign stars the illusive monster, Sasquatch and a campfire circle full of beef-jerky guzzling tricksters. When Sas makes his first appearance at their fireside cookout, rather than running for their lives, the campers treat the hairy beast like the nerdy kid in high school by pulling the old “slip-the-whoopee-cushion-on-the-seat” routine. And like any fictional monster that’s had it, he decides to let one rip right next to the open flames of the campfire. Who knew beef jerky could be so funny? So next time you think you might be settling for safe, reach within and find your own inner Sasquatch—sometimes it’s better to go with a whoopee cushion and a bottom blast that hits an 8 on the rectum scale than to produce an ad that won’t offend anyone, but will entertain no one.

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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

Here’s your Thursday Deal:

1. Swan dive!

I’m digging the sequel to Old Spice’s “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.” I know, I know. Sequels are never as good as the original. The Matrix Reloaded, The Next Karate Kid, even Brad Pitt and George Clooney couldn’t make Ocean’s 12 rival Ocean’s 11. Who needs a twelfth man anyway? My only disappointment with Old Spice’s latest commercial is that Isaiah Mustafa doesn’t end it with, “I’m on a bike.” But for me, the swan dive line totally makes up for it. Check out the spot, and let us know if you think it reverses the sequel curse.

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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ readers,

Here’s your Wednesday Deal:

1. That girl doesn’t eat Burger King

You know what really irks me? When brands for things like cigarettes use beautiful models in their advertising. You know who I see ACTUALLY sucking on cancer sticks? Sad looking people sitting outside by themselves with yellow teeth, a nasty cough and a future that consists of blocked blood vessels and Emphysema. And that ain’t pretty. Which is why Burger King’s new website featuring model Xenia Tchoumitcheva isn’t just a blatant “Let’s throw a hot model to sell our product!” maneuver, but it’s highly unlikely that Xenia keeps her bod in model shape by chowing down on Whoppers. I’m just saying. Let’s keep it real, BK.

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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

Here’s your Tuesday Deal:

1. Spirit likes to talk dirty

You know when you’re at a party or a social gathering and some wiseacre takes the witty banter to a whole new level? Rather than engaging in funny comebacks that everyone will enjoy, these social snipers have a license to verbally kill. Their retorts typically range from argumentative to downright offensive. And the sad part? They think they’re hilarious. Well unfortunately, these insensitive loudmouths exist in the ad world, too. Case and point, Spirit Airlines.
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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

Here’s your Friday Deal:

1. Turtles Schmurtles

We all know that the Gulf oil spill is an economical and ecological catastrophe. But it’s difficult to grasp just how traumatic this spill actually is unless you see it every single day. Mike Ellis, a boat captain who’s currently working for the Coast Guard to rescue Kemp’s Ridleys, the most endangered turtles in the world, explains in an interview by Catherine Craig that BP is actually preventing his team and others from saving and protecting these turtles. Like BP hasn’t already created enough PR problems for themselves.

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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

Here’s your Thursday Deal:

1. The First (Funny) Bank

Banks are notorious for having the dullest, driest and most boring ads known to advertisingkind. In fact, any concept that’s borderline creative or dare I say it, wacky, is usually vetoed by the client faster than you can say Don Draper. However, it’s easy to see where banks are coming from. It’s not that they WANT to be boring, they just feel like it’s their duty to reassure their customer base that they’re a strong, capable and trustworthy money-protecting fortress. But, that doesn’t mean they have to bore us to tears in the meantime. Which is why First Bank gets major props from the Captains for having the most creative yet strategic commercial campaign we’ve seen in a while. They manage to embrace humor while still showing their potential customers how important it is to anticipate trouble before it happens. Check out the spots, “Pills” and “First Date.” They’re my absolute favorites.

And THAT, other banks, is how it’s done. Oh snap!

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By Jean Levasseur, Captains of Industry

I’m an avid listener of NPR when I’m in the car, and for the past three months, one story has dominated the station – the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill. We’ve heard about all of the terrible consequences that are going to come out of this, both long-term and short-term, and everyone has the same question. What can we do to prevent this from happening again?
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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

Here’s your Wednesday Deal:

1. R.I.P. Nightly News

Remember when your parents would tune into the evening news when they got home from work? It was like a ritual. My parents would watch, and then they would complain for the rest of the night about money/politics/bad people/war, or all of the above. It’s a lovely childhood memory that I hold dear to my heart. But the thing that sticks out in my mind the most is that I had absolutely no desire to watch with them. I figured that someday I’d wake up and basically turn into an adult. I’d watch the evening news, drink gallons of coffee, and sporadically slam my fist down and curse the stock market. Well, now that I’m a full-fledged adult, 401k and all, I’m finding that although I’m appropriately addicted to caffeine and care about the S&P, I’ve yet to fill one of my evenings with the nightly news. And I’m not alone.
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By Lindsey Campbell, Captains of Industry

Hey Captains’ Readers,

Here’s your Tuesday Deal:

1. My husband went to Australia and I all I got was cheated on

Things to Do in Australia:
-Box with a kangaroo
-Snorkel in the Great Barrier Reef
-Do the horizontal mambo with an Aussie without the Mrs. finding out
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